I know I said

I know that I annoy you from time to time, become selfish, and yet I am the one who gets mad and blame you on things you didn’t do or you can’t do. I know I can be such a drama queen because at times my mind is full of petty or negative thoughts and jealousy that came from comparing myself to the people around you, people with you, and people you were with. I know I could be so selfish and needy sometimes because I don’t want to share you or have others steal your attention. I know I always cry when things are uncomfortable and when I am aware that I hurt you; I cry because I feel helpless and regretful that I shouldn’t have said or done it in the first place. I know that I can really be hard to love, especially when I am in a terrible mood because I got stuck on my insecurities and worries again. I know I said gazillion times that I will change my ways and I understand if one day you just blow up and get mad or impatient at me kasi ang kulit ko… And I know I have apologized every single time I acted silly because I find myself unable to change that fast, I still do the things that annoy you, and that I am still the imperfect me.

I don’t know if you believe me when I said I am seeing improvements on the things I am trying to change because I messed up so many times already, but nonetheless I think you do and you are really doing your best to be patient with me. And I don’t want to give any more reports on the improvement since then, because I want my actions to show them instead.

You don’t have to say anything back to me regarding this if ever you read it, and you don’t have to repay me for anything, in fact none of us have to repay for anything, because, as cheesy as this sounds, whenever I feel how much you love me all the things that I thought we were lacking gets filled, and the incompatibilities I thought were there is gone. And that makes you a not sucky boyfriend.

Even if I wasn’t in a great mood today, or some other days of our being together, I am taking this moment to say that I am very thankful that you accept me still… That you understand me still… That you forgive me still… That you love me still, despite all the craziness I have in me. I don’t know for how long, or until when you will continue to do these things, but I want you to know that everything in our relationship matters to me, the good, the bad, the amazing, the terrible, and everything in between, and I am thankful for them all because they helped build us.

I’m sorry because I always say sorry, because I thought apologizing will make it faster for us to be reconciled again whenever we fall apart (or start to). I still have so much to learn in this life, and I am joyful you are there never ceasing to stick with me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you Lord for letting me be with such a blessing. 🙂