My WordPress 2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,800 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 8 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

2013

railroad-track

Life is a one-way road.

Where you can see back, but you can’t go back. So don’t miss any thing. Enjoy every second of life. ★

2011 was full of challenges and testing of obedience, and 2012 was full of waiting and testing of patience. The common denominator was the test of faith. I could say that this year has given me more challenges about my personal life as compared to the previous ones, and there were also new ones that really tested my wisdom and my trust in God.

I started my 2012 with the 7-day Prayer and Fasting in our church, and during those days, God has revealed a lot of things to me. I’d like to share my 2012 faith goals as taken from my journal, and the answers about them that were uncovered at a sooner time this 2012:

Personal/Career

  1. Spiritual growth
    -This has to be one of the most important happenings to me. Because of the dark seasons I encountered this year, my spirit was strengthened and I got to hold on to God more. And it happened by January, and is still happening!
  2. Be more dependent on God (IN EVERYTHING!)
    -This would be a spoiler… I can’t even believe it but due to doing this, He made those faith goals happen.
  3. Pride, lust, bad words/thoughts = STOP!!!
    -Ummm this is really a struggle for me! To be honest, I still can’t get away with the lust but I am very happy that the pride and bad thoughts diminished. I don’t interpret every single thing people say anymore. I was granted more wisdom this year but that doesn’t mean I have to be prideful of it. I lost interest in conflicts and arguments, but am striving to uplift and lend a hand. And lastly… I lost the ability to WORRY too much.
  4. Physical healing = Good health!
    -Thankfully, God granted me a good health this year. No serious illnesses, even though I’m still thin. We can do something about that by 2013, right?
  5. Graduate successfully on-time! (March 2012)
    -VICTORIOUS MOMENT! At March 31, 2012, I successfully graduated at the University of Santo Tomas with my degree in Computer Science. No special awards, but this is really an honor for me and my family. Glory be to God!!
  6. Excellence in school tasks + exams for eligibility on graduation (Pass mark in Cobol Lab!)
    -God not only granted me a passing mark: He told me to have higher standards! So I surpassed 5.0, then 3.0, and went way up! Yay!
  7. (After-graduation) Lord grant me a stable and enough-paying job so I can provide for my family & payback my relatives who helped in our financial stuff
    -One of the greatest struggles I faced this year. My darkest season was 6 months of pure rebellion against God and what seemed like “nothingness”. I envied most of my school mates who already found their jobs and are already earning, while I am sitting down in front of my laptop, passing time, waiting for my own moment. I argued with God and I want to bite onto every opportunity that comes my way, but God reminded me of the standards, of the right time, and of waiting patiently. During the last few weeks of that season, I got tired of grudging, rebelling, and sulking so I came back to church. My dad told me I will find the right one soon. My leader prophesied that I will be having my job very soon. Turns out I didn’t have to find it by my own self, by my own efforts. I can’t thank God enough for His intervention that I landed to the one He appointed me to be in. 😀

Family

  1. Household salvation!
    -On going!!
  2. Bonding + Restoration
    -Dad went home this year and even though it was just for a few weeks, we still bonded at home. My youngest sister missed him so much!
  3. Stable & high-paying job for Dad
    -I could feel that this is still in the process! Claiming it! 🙂
  4. Financial gain + blessings
    -Ahh, I am absolutely grateful to the Lord that I am already working now so we do not really run out of money as compared before. Though we still have to pay for debts, the blessings are overflowing!
  5. Good health for everyone
    -Yep, granted! 🙂

My Ministry

  1. Ministry to join (Music? Creative?)
    -I was hoping to be in the music ministry but God said this is not yet the time. I agreed. I have a lot to focus on during this year, so I had to put this at the back of my list first
  2. Hope to find a one-to-one disciple 🙂
    -I almost had one! But due to conflicts in our schedules, she was led by another group mate in the church. It’s alright for me, because God as given me new friends to disciple and counsel this year (which means I have to grow more and more in faith)!
  3. More devotion and quiet time
    -This happened at the first half of the year!! I kind of neglected it when I had my job as I get home tired, so my only time for prayer is the moment I wake up or take a bath or on my way to work or home. Still thankful though that I get to talk to Him even in the oddest of all places.
  4. Salvation of friends + Open their hearts to the Lord
    -On going!! I could see and feel that the seed planted will grow in time. Anticipating for this!

This was the year that I finally knew how it is to live by the Spirit and be sensitive to what God is calling me for. I’m thankful for all the memories made this 2012!

In my blog post last January 1, 2012, I wrote these on the latter part of the post:

P.S. I studied Bisaya during 2011, and I’m done with it… This 2012, I am going beyond my boundaries. I will be studying German! Also, I am graduating this year! :D

P.P.S. Don’t be afraid if it’s really the end of the world this year. Live life. Seek God, and He will find you!

I got to study German and French this year (although basics)! Plus, I met a Dutch friend and he usually uses Dutch expressions and statements, and I’m inspired to understand azbuka and learn Bulgarian/Russian language because of another special friend (his name is Dilian!) so those are additional ones for me! And I also graduated! YAAY!

As for the P.P.S., turns out that it’s not yet the end because we still have a lot to discover. In line with the quote above, life is a one-way road because even though we may have to stop by at some point, we have to move forward to find out what else is ahead of us. Choose a track wisely, then follow where the railroad takes you.

This is a start of something glorious!

May we all have a blessed and prosperous journey this 2013.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! 😀

P.S. I had a lot of traveling dreams in the first half of this year which started the day after my birthday. On the 4th day of my prayer & fasting, the Lord revealed to me Genesis 12:1-3. I believe this is not coincidental; I refuse to see the significance at first but as the days go by, something about Genesis 12:1-3 and the travel dreams are being revealed to me. Eagerly waiting in the Lord! 🙂

Obligations… Is it not about the money?

Everything’s being so stressful (basically, financial obligations) recently, when I thought I could already enjoy my final year of being a teenager.

I feel like I have been aging 10 years from my actual age since I started to work. 😦 To be honest, I am enjoying what I am doing, and I am glad that I am part of the team that has successfully finished a sorta big project for the past few months. But when I think about the ka-ching, the $$$… Man, I swear I’m going crazy.

Being a 19 year old who hates accountancy, I sure as heaven have the littlest idea on how to handle this sum of money. Savings! Ugh. Sure I know the basic bits like buying my own things/necessities and not asking money from mum anymore, but when it comes to partaking for the family’s financial needs, it feels to me like an obligation. I can’t help but think, “I’m just a teen, why do I have to shoulder, like, half of the financial responsibilities in this family? Not meaning to sound rude or ungrateful but can’t I fully enjoy the fruits of my hard work while I’m still young?”  I can’t help but think of the dreams I have and the things I have so long wanted to have, how much I could save so that I will be able to fulfill them in the future. But being the eldest daughter, I know this is a part of my responsibilities but it feels like I am losing what I got in an instant. What’s more annoying is that when I don’t get my full salary and have to break down all my expenses and not spend on things I think I need. Whatever happened to those deductions? I am rarely absent. But aye it happens, I just need proof and stuff.

It also seems to me that my parents are still kind of in control of my life and my belongings. It shouldn’t be that way, should it? I’ve been deciding/thinking/talking old enough for my age for so long, I hope they could slack off in handling me and just let me go.

Lord, please help me!! My nape is already aching and my mind’s gonna explode just by figuring and calculating these things out. I yearn to be financially secure and enjoy my life with whatever that I have.

Most people

only see the importance of someone once they are gone.

And that is why I wish I am gone.

Not literally take my life away from me, but gone from the people who make me feel like I do not belong. So that they also have no one to pick on.

Are they enjoying themselves that way?

 

I feel so burdened, unwelcome, and out of place.

Why do I feel this way; so weak?

Lord, please reveal to me the things I am asking and searching for.

I am sort of… lost.

To the 14-year-old Jaun

Hey there!

How have you been? It wasn’t quite a long time since I’ve walked down on memory lane; in fact, I have been visiting for a lot of times recently.

I don’t remember that much about you (because I try to move on and start anew as much as possible), but do you ever feel glad you will be graduating High School at a very young age? Well, everyone knows that the Philippines has a different curriculum compared to the standard international ones, but I could not quite believe you were so young… I bet you have been bullied a lot of times because of that: people calling you a nerd, geek, attention-seeker, intelligent but ugly, loser, etc. I can think of a lot of name-calling and bullying and degrading times. I know you have experienced them all, but how were you able to handle it by yourself at that age?

I believe you’ve also had a blog back then (Xanga? Friendster? You even tried to develop your own website!), and you used to think that your usernames were original… but looking back, you realized it’s not. It’s corny. It’s vile. It’s so not you. Yet those were the only ways you could vent out your anger and frustrations and all the sorrows and sadness you are feeling at that time. Do you remember that time when you started to like writing about your opinions on political topics, racist radio shows (Art Bell) and stuff like that? Because of those things you felt like you had a deeper perception of the world and its people, but truth is, you’re just seeing the glimpse of it all. You began to see that most elites are pathetic and oppressive people who only see those lower than them as slaves.

Yet 14-year-old Jaun, why are you so negative towards yourself?

You’ve had inspirations then. Shall we go on there? It’s funny to think but you actually are a sucker for lads who know a lot but don’t act like a know-it-all. Like a guy whose knowledge contains everything an encyclopedia can handle, is charming, yet stays humble. Wow. But you’ve sank too deep in the infatuation that soon you felt that it’s too icky and exhausting, so you just threw it all, gave up on it, and moved on. There were heartbreaks, but you moved on. But in the end, all you’ve been thinking about alone in your room is, “I am never good enough.” Well, I just thank God you’re not good enough for them and that none of them is the one for you!

But when will you ever be good enough? You felt that being boyish or a tomboy did not help you, so you tried to experiment more on your sexuality. You thought you were mature! But actually you are not (yet); you are just trying to mold yourself to your surroundings and you try to fit your mental age to how your classmates are… And then again you realize, “No I am not yet fully mature; I am just experiencing the things I could’ve coped up with when I’m a bit older. But it happened now and life has to go on.”

You can’t tell these things to the friends you made then, because you’re too afraid they might leave and think you’re too weak. Or simply, you thought they might not listen and understand at all. So most of the time, you are alone and only speak to yourself whenever such difficult situation arises.

You know, I can’t really go back to everything before and I am very happy as to where I am standing right now… But I am thanking God that all those things happened to you— that you’ve experienced so much at a young age and fought through it. Now you have a lot to add on your huge box of memories, experiences, knowledge, and ‘how-to’s.

And that at one point in my life, I became you. I was you. That I and the 14-year-old Jaun used to be the same. You are still a part of my 19-year-old self, and always will be until I leave this world.

Even though those things weren’t grand, I’m glad I have them as memories. At least, you didn’t try to be cool just because you want to fit in to the society. You learned that you don’t live to please people, because you know most of them will go infinite number of ways just to mess with your life, but if you care less, they’ll eventually fuck off. You knew they were not worth all your worrying. You stayed true to who and what you are.

Sincerely,

The 19-year-old Jaun