Thinking of change

I wanted to change a lot of aspects of me (and in me) so badly. But why is it that though you feel determined to do so, you feel like you lack the motivation? Or inspiration?

I have insecurities and burdens that I’ve been carrying around for quite some time now. Although I have finally overcome a lot of them before, they are sort of increasing gradually as I get older. Is it because of the pressure in the society? I know I should be secure with God as my Lord, but there is always a little voice inside me that keeps on battling with me, saying that I am never enough.

But if I really wanted to change, I know that no outward force or whatsoever can push me to do so… Because it must start inside me, like a will. My thoughts are so clouded with guilt and insecurity recently and I somehow can not figure out how to deal with it. Perhaps I need someone to open up with, and someone who has been here before so that I know he/she truly understands what I am going through.

 

…And I feel so lonely most of the time.

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