I am writing here tonight to relieve this frustration and rage I am currently having right now. And when we talk about F and R, it’s not just about the grades, love, etc. Mostly, it is about my mom.
I know I am lucky to have one and I should be thankful I have one to take care of me, but it’s different. I hate my mom. Naiinis ako kapag pinagdadamutan niya kami. Napaka-arte niya, selfish, at gusto niya lagi siyang nagsstand out, kahit alam naman niya sa sarili niya na 40+ na siya. My God, you can’t fool your age; you are even fooling yourself.
It just started with this, I am looking for formal clothes to wear on our speech tomorrow. So I rummaged my closet and I am definitely sure I do not have any. So I looked in her closet, and I found what I really needed. I asked if I could borrow it. And the answer I expected was the answer I got. She said no. Sabi niya, poporma lang naman ako. WHAT THE HELL? WHY CAN’T SHE UNDERSTAND? SHE NEVER UNDERSTANDS ANYTHING I AM SAYING BECAUSE SHE NEVER LISTENS.
IF I COULD JUST LIVE INDEPENDENTLY RIGHT NOW, I WILL. Pero umaasa pa ako sa kanya. Gusto kong magmura, magwala, magbato ng gamit pero wala naman ‘yung patutunguhan. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi iniiyakan ko yung mga ganitong bagay, pero nakakainis naman kasi talaga. Hello? Anak niya ako, she could even help me find another clothes but she did not.
I AM REALLY ASHAMED OF HAVING HER AS MY MOM. SHE WAS NEVER PROUD OF ME. AND I WILL NEVER BE PROUD TO HAVE HER AS MINE. Maybe I will regret this thing I said someday, but this would be my word for now.