I had a change of heart. Technically, it wasn’t a change because this was all I’m wishing for.
I am enrolled as a Computer Science student in the University of Santo Tomas, Faculty of Engineering. This was only my last resort, because I ran out of slots in Architecture. I know I did my best on the exam, but as a song says, I guess my best wasn’t good enough.
Being a CS student, I don’t think I have passion on what I am doing. First, I am weak in Logic, which is one of the major coverage in Computer Studies. Second, I’m fed up with all those math here, math there, math everywhere [I get a lot of math because CS is under Engineering]. Third, I just play on everything, and I don’t take it seriously. Actually I’m already bored with this, and the only thing that keeps me going are some of my classmates in block 1CS4. They are the ones who motivate me to continue, especially the friends I made.
So here’s the story:
In every university that I took an exam, my choice is always Architecture. CS just follows, just in case I didn’t get Archi. I passed them all, got the Archi course, but not in the school that I wanted to study it-UST. My dad who was a Fine Arts student in UST, told me that it’s really hard to enter in Architecture because they have a quota/limit on students [he’s supposed to be an Archi student too but he passed his requirements late]. So I felt down, but I should’ve gotten my Architecture slot if I just took the drawing test. I didn’t and never know that I still have to take that exam, so since I did not, then good bye Archi.
So I was stuck in Computer Science. It’s my second choice, well actually almost the third. Since we don’t have that much money to enroll in Mapua and study Architecture there, I was stuck in UST, because the tuition is lower. Of course, since UST is the only college left for me to enroll [the others I got has immediately ended the enrollment week], I took CS though I am somewhat hesitant, but I have no choice. If I turn it down, I wouldn’t be in college right now.
And so, on the enrollment week, there was this huge problem, and I WAS AT THE VERGE OF HYSTERIA, because the dean told me that all the Engineering courses have closed their slots, except for Information Systems. And the fact that I was enrolled in Computer Science, I was agitated, and if my mom wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have gotten my slot and I will not be in CS4 by now. [So thanks a lot, mom :)]
My mom fought for my place, insisted that I passed ComSci but why the hell I was turned down, considering my name is on the list of passed and accepted students. And I looked at the board, and it says that there are only 3 slots left for Computer Science. And I am not the only wannabe CS student there, so immediately, my mom talked to the dean and pleaded to give me a slot in ComSci. At first, the dean hesitated and even told us that if we have no choice, then the only choice left was for me to enroll myself in InfoSys, a course that I’m barely familiar with. It was an hour’s work, the insisting and fighting. And it’s the dean.
And finally, he told us that I can enroll myself in Computer Science, and I was so overjoyed at that remark, I forgot all about Architecture and pictured myself as an Engineering student.
So that was it. I wanted CS because of Web Design. I thought I will draw when I get in CS. I thought I can still draw, but drawing is of no use in Computer Science. Two teachers have already known of my talent in drawing, and swear, both of them were curious why didn’t I enroll myself in CFAD of Archi. See, even teachers see me as that.
And not only them, even some of my classmates. And some of the people outside Engineering, outside UST. And I while ago, while I was in my Track and Field class, while waiting for the prof to arrive, I took put my paper and pencil and started drawing whatever [I am surrounded by some archi students] and someone said:
“Wow, you draw very well!! I bet you are an Archi student, aren’t you?”
I stared at him. He was with an Archi student. “No. I’m in Engineering,” I told him. And he was like, “whoa, really?”
~one of the reasons why I wanted to be an Archi student. To prove that I am a part of them. To show them what I got. And to bring life to all my drawings, not just keep them in a Balikbayan box or post on DeviantArt.
I thought of shifting to Archi by next sem, but when I finally told my mom about it, I already knew the answer before she said it:
“You stop insisting me that you want to change course. It’s a waste of money. We’re not rich. And have shame on me for fighting on your place just to get your slot in Computer Science. And don’t you know that it is a tough work? Sleepless nights and stress. Is that what you want? What will just happen to you?”
“That’s okay, at least I have passion for what I am doing, unlike in Computer Science, I am bored, like I am not even studying.”
And with that, I kept quiet, my thoughts getting darker, and the future of being an Architect almost blocked.
But still. I wanted to be part of them. I know I can. But when? There’s a reason why I was put here in CS, a reason why I did’t get the slot on Archi, a reason why everything of this happened.
I wish I know that reason.