it was not for my eyes.

Deleting my hate entry the other day, i wish i shouldn’t have deleted it. Well, despite the fact that he wasn’t pertaining to me and I am so not included in those list of annoying people he’s talking about, the thought of seeing them talk like that makes my stomach acid boil and my eyes bulge out of their sockets.

I wish I never searched for that blog in Google.

It was so yesterday. I was quite contented that I wasn’t included in the rant letter, and quite satisfied that he wasn’t always talking about inamorata in his posts. Well I don’t care! Sometimes I wish I was numb and should’ve just ignored him, like what happened in the first weeks. And who the hell planned of making me fall for his gravity. I totally hate it. It’s like you are an alien, and you feel that you don’t belong, and all you got to do is mock what them inhabitants do and pretend that you are also part of them. You got it?.

But if I never searched for it, I won’t have gossip. I will know nothing about him. But what’s the point of knowing the real and total HIM, if he doesn’t do the same way to me anyway? I’m peering through a wall without a hole. That’s nice. Totally blocked. Nice view.

And I wish he never attended today’s classes.

I came to school freakin’ early; 1 hour before the classes start. And I have no notions that I wanted to see him that day, and no daydreams of him. I went to the washroom, 3 rounds, doing nothing but look at my self in the mirror and NEVER asked “Why her?”.

Oh yeah, the point is, I HATE MY EYES. I am seeing things that I know isn’t good for me. And still I continue to look at it. Or even stare. Or even copy everything written there in my mind. And I didn’t care that it hurt me. I don’t know why this stupidity idiocy of mine kicked in, but I know I should’ve left and let go of him the time I found out “Sorry Girls, I’m Taken.” But still. I don’t really know what got into me but I just can’t stop reading. I love reading but not this far that it’s almost stalking! GET IT?! STALKING! And I am not a stalker. :[ And this kind of reading hits the vulnerable spot here inside, and even if I’m sucking the life out of me, I still continue–no, not sucking, but reading! I hate me eyes. And all those “aishiteru’s”.

Well, I’ve experienced this thing in my heart a lot of times but I guess nothing went any deeper than this before. No, I will never call this L-O-V-E. It’s sickening. I don’t know. Everytime I read about their mushy talks and “aishiteru’s” on his world, I wanted to go away but my feet have been nailed on the ground. I just found out that he’s a deep person. DEEEEEEEEEEEP. That was always my impression to him, since 1st day. And I always thought he is snobbish, but as of now I kind of changed that imprint. Why am I even describing him here??

Oh gah, give me ways to completely obliterate a human out of my mind. But you can’t tell me this:

◘ Avoid everything that makes you remember something about him. [NOTE: He is my blockmate]

◘ Stop reading his journal entries. [still on my executive on this, but if I can, I can. and I will.]

◘ TAKE NOTE HE’S GOT INAMORATA!! [I know, right? I’m so sick of this statement but it doesn’t keep me from falling.]

HUH?: Why does he glance at me? Or it was just my fantasy? If he caught me looking at him, I always remember that he will never catch me looking if he doesn’t look at me. too And it happens at least 3 times a day.
UHHHHH!!! THIS WORDPRESS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN FORGET HIM! GO! GO! GO! GO!!! The more I write, the better I feel now. 🙂


~janii. love is my favorite hate. NOT.

P.S. They’re mushy. Ew.


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