I know I said

I know that I annoy you from time to time, become selfish, and yet I am the one who gets mad and blame you on things you didn’t do or you can’t do. I know I can be such a drama queen because at times my mind is full of petty or negative thoughts and jealousy that came from comparing myself to the people around you, people with you, and people you were with. I know I could be so selfish and needy sometimes because I don’t want to share you or have others steal your attention. I know I always cry when things are uncomfortable and when I am aware that I hurt you; I cry because I feel helpless and regretful that I shouldn’t have said or done it in the first place. I know that I can really be hard to love, especially when I am in a terrible mood because I got stuck on my insecurities and worries again. I know I said gazillion times that I will change my ways and I understand if one day you just blow up and get mad or impatient at me kasi ang kulit ko… And I know I have apologized every single time I acted silly because I find myself unable to change that fast, I still do the things that annoy you, and that I am still the imperfect me.

I don’t know if you believe me when I said I am seeing improvements on the things I am trying to change because I messed up so many times already, but nonetheless I think you do and you are really doing your best to be patient with me. And I don’t want to give any more reports on the improvement since then, because I want my actions to show them instead.

You don’t have to say anything back to me regarding this if ever you read it, and you don’t have to repay me for anything, in fact none of us have to repay for anything, because, as cheesy as this sounds, whenever I feel how much you love me all the things that I thought we were lacking gets filled, and the incompatibilities I thought were there is gone. And that makes you a not sucky boyfriend.

Even if I wasn’t in a great mood today, or some other days of our being together, I am taking this moment to say that I am very thankful that you accept me still… That you understand me still… That you forgive me still… That you love me still, despite all the craziness I have in me. I don’t know for how long, or until when you will continue to do these things, but I want you to know that everything in our relationship matters to me, the good, the bad, the amazing, the terrible, and everything in between, and I am thankful for them all because they helped build us.

I’m sorry because I always say sorry, because I thought apologizing will make it faster for us to be reconciled again whenever we fall apart (or start to). I still have so much to learn in this life, and I am joyful you are there never ceasing to stick with me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you Lord for letting me be with such a blessing.🙂

xxx

More than words

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I am so grateful and happy to have heard some great and loving words whispered by someone special before the month of August ended…

“Ang saya ko sa’yo eh.🙂 “

(I am happy with you.)

And I couldn’t stop smiling because it is mutual. Felt like I am on cloud nine.❤

I am always thanking God for this amazing person.

The most wonderful things really come when you least expect it.

xx

Because

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‘You should love a person not because the way they seem in your dreams, but for the way they really are. Because if you know someone’s weaknesses, insecurities, the traits they hate about themselves and the experiences that haunt them, and you choose to love them nonetheless, then you’re loving them most truly: as a real person.

—Grabbed from Thought Catalog

I may not be the woman he needs, nor the woman who passed his standards, but I could only stay hopeful and grow to be a woman worth loving. For all the days that God made and I am with this person, I always feel so loved, and that is more than something. I remember he told me a warning that night on our ?th date: that he might not be the man that I need nor the man that I am idealizing. I got to admit that during that night, I was worried that he may not be all that I want and need, but fast forward to now, I don’t really mind about that anymore.

Because I have learned to love him for all that he is, for all that he has been, and for all the he’s yet to be…

Day by day

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Today, I am reminded not to hurt someone physically just to defend myself, like I usually do when I get mad. Today, I learned to be 100x more mindful of the things that come out of my mouth, and hopefully will continue to do so until the rest of the days in my life. Because when you hurt the ones you love, you only hurt yourself twice as much.

Tonight, I was not uncomfortable with silence. Not because I am too tired, nor was I so worried and I can’t forget about what I did. Although I was a bit itching to break the silence, I tried to be calm and just go with it. I am alright with these moments, because it just draws me closer to that special person I am with without having to say anything. I felt content. It felt like talking without words because you are listening and understanding with the heart.

Today, I realized that if you really love someone, show it. NEVER hesitate to show it. (Note to self, everyday.)

Tonight, all I needed is a hug. I never liked hugs before, and this moment is when I found out that just one hug makes me forget all the bad days, makes me stronger, makes me happy again, makes me feel that I am loved despite my shortcomings.

Us.

Last week, Saturday. That’s when I had my first kiss. A real one.

That was when I became sure and unsure of what is ahead of us. I did not resist, nor did I regret it after. And it was already there. Perhaps it just had to happen. The feeling is comparable to seeing fireworks but the ground you are on is shaking. It is wonderful yet kind of dangerous. I found out that something good can literally take your breath away. And make you feel high.

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Walking home

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Yesterday is one of the greatest days in my life.🙂

Never in my 20 years of existence had a guy walk me all the way home. They either feel I live too far, or they just don’t have the effort. He didn’t mind doing so even if he lives 15+ kilometres away.

 

A lot of firsts have been happening! xx