アーカイブ:9月, 2008

I was healed, then I was hurt again.

{ 9月 24, 2008 @ 9:21 pm } · { Insights, Sudden Outburst, The Author's Memo }
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Yesterday – I am completely over him [my blockmate]

*and i am happy, no more burden in my life.

NOW – My mom spanked me. I mean, slapped my face–hard.

*and i didn’t cry. i am so used to this, almost ever since birth. what’s the use of living inside a house where what your parents always do is scold you and tell you are a nonsense, lazy ass, and yeah, nonsense, and a huge pain in the back. i am doing everything to make her proud of me, i stay late on the computer organizing projects and stuff, maintaining and getting good grades, and this is all she’d give me. HURT me. When in fact, I don’t think I ever hurt her. I talked back, but seldom. That is if I am very busy with stuff and she starts shouting like a mad cow. And if you don’t heed her, a flying slipper will knock your head off. Or maybe her huge handS.

what would you wish for? i bet you would wish you weren’t ever born.

xoxo,
janica

The revenge of Jude-ass.

{ 9月 20, 2008 @ 9:56 pm } · { Exams, Sudden Outburst, The Author's Memo, UST }
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We had this friggin’ online exam in our theo subject, and we expected it to be easy, but our ever-witty and intelligent professor put some instructions like, “No Backtracking” and “Random Arrangement of Questions per Computer”, we found it boring to take the exam.

It turned out to be that.

I have my notes for reference, but then the questions are from another topic, “Exodus”, and wherever I scan my notebook or flip their pages, I don’t have “EXODUS” Chapter written in there. So I based purely on my knowledge. Then I had hard time, and thanks to Cyrolle, he suggested a wise way to answer: Search it in the net.

I was like, Oh yeah, why not? But I know most parts here aren’t available over the net. Cyrolle finished first, and he got 10/20. Clarence finished second, and got 12/20. I finished last and got 10/20. Damn it.

Marie on the other hand didn’t know that backtracking isn’t allowed, so she only answered 2 items. I feel sorry for her. Fifi got 8, Aivan got 10, and Rich also got 10. The highest scorer so far is Ilynne, 18/20, next that I know of is Ponch and Janmar, 16/20, then Janette, 14/20.

is this revenge? or it’s just that we didn’t study?

or BOTH?

xoxo,

~janii

Engineering vs Architecture

{ 9月 19, 2008 @ 12:38 am } · { Insights, Realizations, UST }
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I had a change of heart. Technically, it wasn’t a change because this was all I’m wishing for.

I am enrolled as a Computer Science student in the University of Santo Tomas, Faculty of Engineering. This was only  my last resort, because I ran out of slots in Architecture. I know I did my best on the exam, but as a song says, I guess my best wasn’t good enough.

Being a CS student, I don’t think I have passion on what I am doing. First, I am weak in Logic, which is one of the major coverage in Computer Studies. Second, I’m fed up with all those math here, math there, math everywhere [I get a lot of math because CS is under Engineering]. Third, I just play on everything, and I don’t take it seriously. Actually I’m already bored with this, and the only thing that keeps me going are some of my  classmates in block 1CS4. They are the ones who motivate me to continue, especially the friends I made.

So here’s the story: … continue reading this entry.

4 months.

{ 9月 17, 2008 @ 8:57 pm } · { Realizations, Sudden　Outburst, The Author's Memo, UST, love }
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It’s been already 4 months since 1st day of College Life.

And I just uncovered something:

I don’t take crushes seriously. They often last for 3 days, a week, or maybe a month. But now, it exceeded my limit. He’s only my infatuation. And if after 4 months I haven’t given up on him, I think I’m going further.

I have a lot of why’s, what’s, how’s, and whatevers circling in my head, but I can’t seem to answer them. They are like unheard voices, waiting and wanting to get out. I can’t set them free, because I’d rather not have the answer, the truth, when it is just meant to hurt and stab my heart into pieces. Well, that’s what truth gives to us right?

Just like what a song says, “The truth hurts worse than anything.” – Fall Out Boy.

xoxo,

~janii

P.S. he wasn’t on school today. and i almost ended a day without asking where he is, but i don’t know, i can’t do it, so on the 3rd subject a while ago i asked my seatmate, “bat kaya wala siya?”
And then a classmate told me he’s shifting to another course, and I felt my tummy turn topsy turvy, but I thought “Why should I care? Who am I to care anyway?”

and she just laughed and thought of me as crazy.

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